“A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves.”

God gave you one life to live. Do something good with it. Do something great. Do something small. Do something. Stop wasting your life. Stop making excuses. Stop being selfish. Stop wasting your time and your money and your energy on things that don’t matter, things that will literally all let you down, and things that will never follow you into eternity.

Calling yourself a “Christian” but not doing anything is repulsive. People see right through you. The word Christian literally means “little Christ”. Christ did not sit at home waiting for people to come to him. He did not make up lame excuses to not help someone in need. He did not do any task half heartedly. He did not wait for the other person to pursue a relationship with him. He did not pass up opportunities to do something good for someone else. He did not sit on a pedestal judging people for their mistakes. He was not power hungry, exclusive, or lukewarm.

He was on fire. He lived on mission. He met people where they were. He supplied their needs. He gave himself up completely. And then He went to the cross and gave His life up for you. He gave up his life so that YOU could have life.

What are you doing with it?

If you want to follow Jesus you have to give up your life. You have to be all in. You have to let go of every selfish ambition you once had. You have to forget about putting yourself first.You cannot be lukewarm. You are either all in or you’re out.

Will it be hard? Of course. Anything good worth having comes at a price.
Will it be lonely? Definitely. Especially since this world is full of fakers.
Will you be ridiculed? Absolutely. You will be considered crazy for investing so much of your time and energy into people and their lives and their need to hear the gospel of salvation.
But people are the ONLY ones that will enter into eternity. That’s what life is about. It’s about pouring yourself out, investing in, and sacrificing, and all for people. Because cars, clothes, houses, jobs, jewels, status, etc. will never, ever, follow you into eternity.

So I ask again, what are you doing with the life God gave you?

Time to grow up.

I am 4 weeks away from my la-la land becoming the real world. There are so many decisions, plans, and questions swirling around in my head and so along with being excited out of my mind I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed. There I said it. I am overwhelmed. And tired. And I will admit it.

But the worries, insecurities, and questions are not going to overcome me. Nope. Not this time.

I finally just broke down last night. This song came on that really had nothing to do with my situation but this one line got stuck in my head and I keep repeating it over and over again.

[Make a promise to me now. Reassure my heart somehow.]

That’s all I really need. Reassurance. And I keep looking for it from people. I keep wanting someone to just be like, Oksana, I am so proud of you. Way to go for it. You are going to rock whatever you do. I am here. I will support you. You are making the right decision. Let’s sit down and write a list of pros and cons. You have questions? I have answers. You want me to back you up? No problem. You want me to tell you to stay? Stay! You want me to tell you to go? Go!

But as nice as all those things sound, and even though I desperately want someone to make all the hard decisions for me. That’s not what I really need. What I need is a peace that can only come from Jesus. And what I need is to trust Jesus again with the leap he wants me to take. So yes, I may get worried, and I may have a million questions, and I may feel too tired to face the day, but my trust is firmly rooted in the Lord and that won’t ever change. So I am all in. Again. Because nothing is better then the plans Jesus has for my life.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

This past Saturday Arina and I graduated from NOBTS. This journey has been incredible. God’s hand has been so very present every single day. We are amazed at the way that he planned this out for us. He has met every single need, comforted every ache, answered each prayer, and continued to love us every step of the way. He has changed our hearts and our desires in so many ways and we will never grow tired of telling of how good He was to us these last few years.

One of the things that we continuously heard throughout our time here was how faithful God is to meet your needs when He is the one that sends you to go. I knew in my heart that this was true but I had no idea that it would become so real and evident in our lives. Every single time that we thought we could not continue because it was too hard, or too lonely, or we were just too tired, God would reach out through someone or some situation and we would immediately feel His presence and His love surrounding us. This journey was all Jesus. Every accomplishment, every new friendship, every ministry opportunity, and every new dream that He revealed to us was absolutely His doing alone.

Our entire family flew down for the weekend – our sisters and their husbands and each precious little niece and nephew, our big brother, and my 2 best friends. It was the sweetest reunion that could have ever happened.

This group of people has served us and loved us and encouraged us in so many ways over the last few years that we cannot even begin to describe all that they have done. We are forever grateful that the Lord has opened up their hearts to loving us and accepting us and helping us succeed. We thought we were the ones growing while we were away from home and going through seminary. But the world did not stop. Thank the Lord for that! Each person in this beautiful group has grown so much. Their love for the Lord continues to inspire us and their generosity continues to blow us away. We honestly cannot put into words how much it means to us all that you have done for us in the last few years. I cannot begin to figure out how to repay your kindness. Y’all are seriously incredible. We love you and are honored to be called your daughters, sisters, aunts, and friends :)

Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

I am so comfortable learning about Jesus. But when it comes to sharing what He has personally done in my life and continues to do I begin to feel uneasy. Each time a post is formed in my head I wrestle with whether to publish it or not. Often times I want to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit to write and just go about my life without having the world read about it. But when the Spirit lays something on my heart I have no rest until I write it out. Honestly this process always differs. Sometimes I battle the prompting for a few hours but sometimes because of how stubborn I am it lasts for weeks.

I go through the same lame excuses over and over again- why would anyone want to read about my struggles, why can’t I just hide it like everyone else does, why would I write about how I fell again, how many more posts will be about my shortcomings, does everyone think I’m on some kind of emotional roller coaster because I go from happy posts to I am literally eating scraps with the pigs posts, what will people think about me, don’t I have to keep up the image that I am growing and learning and succeeding… and the list goes on and on and on. I exhaust myself coming up with reasons why it’s okay not to write.

But it usually takes just one simple sentence to get my gaze off of me and back onto the only One who my whole life is about. It’s all about Jesus. I am willing to risk an openness to others that I may find uncomfortable because it is not about me. It is about what Jesus does every single day. It is about that single most selfless act in the history of the world that Jesus accomplished on the cross and then a series of never ending acts he continues to perform in the lives of his kids every single day.

I want Psalm 40 to be the theme of my life. I want to boldly proclaim all that Jesus is doing in my life. I want to delight in His will for me. I want to tell of His deliverance. I want to speak of His faithfulness and His salvation. I do not want to conceal His steadfast love.

So here I am y’all- messed up, broken, ashamed, scared, but totally, completely, overwhelming in love with Jesus. I will continue proclaiming what Jesus is doing in my life until my last breath. Because this is not about me. It’s all about Jesus.